Personal Triumph and Loss

I have wanted to share this part of my life for a while now, but I wasn't quite sure what to say. I think maybe, I haven't been quite ready. I think that I am now. I share this for a few reasons. I want to bring hope to people. I want everyone to see that with faith, and by treating our bodies the right way, that any problems we are having with our bodies can be fixed. We are capable of being healthy and strong and whole. I am also writing this for a selfish reason. I think it will help me to continue to heal.

Last August my husband and I found out that I was pregnant. For us, this us truly a miracle. We had been trying to get pregnant for 12 years. We had been told that the only way that we ever would get pregnant would be through IVF and the chances of that happening were also slim. We actually were planning to do IVF and as I was waiting to start my next cycle so that we could start the process we were stopped in our tracks. My cycle never started. I have not been regular my entire life. Even when I was a teenager I was not regular. However for the last 9 months (before August) I had been for the first time in my life. The reason for this was because I was finally taking good care of my body. I was keeping bad stuff out and letting good stuff in. I knew that this was a blessing from my Father in Heaven. I was told that if I do everything in my power, by taking good care of my body, that he would make up the rest. I followed through with it and he blessed me. So you can see why I was so confused when i was late. The doctor told me to take a pregnancy test and I laughed. I took one anyway and it was negative. I waited two more weeks and was trying to be patient. I made a doctors appointment to get an ultra sound to see if I might have a cyst that may have been making my late. The doctor told me to take one more pregnancy test. I took one the morning of my ultra sound and it was positive. I couldn't believe it. After all these years, a positive pregnancy test! I went ahead and went into the ultra sound appointment to be checked out to see if everything was ok. I was 5 1/2 weeks along.
Fast forward two and a half weeks. I went into my Midwife for an 8 week appointment. My first pregnancy appointment. Everything was going great, until she tried to listen for the heart beat. She couldn't hear anything. I wasn't worried at that point, it was still early or so the doctor said. We scheduled an ultra sound for the next day however just to make sure that everything was ok. It was not. My baby died at 6 1/2 weeks. I was devastated. My baby would have been due the middle of April. I cannot believe that so much time has passed. Most days I don't think of it. Most days I am great. I have felt the loving hand of the Lord guide me through this trying time.
It took me a few weeks to actually miscarry. After the miscarriage my body returned to normal. I started having regular periods again. I actually was kind of shocked. I thought for sure that my hormones would be confused for a while, but it seemed like they were good. The last few months however, that has not been the case. My hormones are really out of wack again and I have been trying to get them back to normal. It has been a struggle. I am having to be really strict with my diet (which emotionally I am having a hard time with). I will get there. I know that my body will find balance again. It did at one time and because of that I was blessed with one of the biggest miracles of my life, getting pregnant. It would have been nice to stay pregnant and have another baby; my heart longs for that, but the Lord has a different plan for me right now. I need to strive to keep my body healthy so that I will be able to do what ever it is that he wants for me to do.

Feeling a bit emotional today!

Well, the title says it all! Up to this point this blog has been mostly about food. I am proud of what I have accomplished thus far, but my intention was for it to be so much more. After all, it does say in the title, "All things in life that lead to Health and Happiness!" My emotions really are all over the place right now, but it is because I feel so content and happy right now. I want to share why I feel this way. I want to share some of the thoughts that have been rolling around inside this crazy head of mine so that maybe, just maybe, I can help others that may need some of what I have to share. The problem is, I am not sure how to say what I am feeling. I hope that by the time I am done writing and re-writing this post it will make some sense.
I find in my life, as I am sure it is in everybody's, that I go through waves of being content. I was very content a few months ago. I remember specifically talking to a friend about it. Then, not a week later it all changed. I was feeling like my whole world was falling apart. I couldn't cope with anything. There was one Monday that I literally cried ALL DAY LONG and really had no idea why. But this very day, this very moment I feel so content with life that I feel like crying out of pure JOY! I want to bask in this moment so that I can remember what it feels like, so that when the frustrations of life begin to fold in upon me, I will know that moments like these are real. Is everything perfect in my life right now? SO far from it! My kids are running around the house screaming right now. My oldest son has lost his privileges for the last three days because his behavior has been so poor. I have woken up with migraines almost every day this week. There are some changes that are going to take place soon that are going to greatly impact my life. I don't know exactly how it will be impacted, but I know it will. I HATE not knowing things! And yet, I feel so happy with life right now! I wish I knew exactly why, I wish I could pinpoint what it is I am doing that makes me feel like this. Maybe I am doing nothing. Maybe it is simply a gift that I have been given by my Father in Heaven to carry me through. If so, I wish I could have this gift always.
There are a few things that I think are at least contributing factors in the matter. I have been really trying to simplify my life lately. I have three VERY rambunctious boys. I homeschool my kids. I have a busy husband that I try to take care of. I have a church calling that keeps me on my toes and occupies a lot of space in my brain. I have my footzonology business. These are just the important things that I do in my life. To say the least, I am a busy girl, as all moms are. Do I sometimes feel overwhelmed? Yes, most of the time!
I learned from some wonderful mentors that I have got to keep things in perspective. I learned from one that every 6 months I have to do a 6 month purge and a 6 month "NO". This has been such a huge blessing! Every 6 months I look at my schedule and that of my kids and husband. We make a list of everything that we are doing, the things that keep us busy. We look at them all and think about why we are doing them. Is it leading us to our end goal? It is worth our precious time to continue doing it? Of course to do this you have to know what your end goal is! I want to blog more about this, but it will have to be for another post. The things that do not fit into our end goal we say "no" to and we stop doing them. The best thing to do is to look at things with this perspective from the get go, but you would be amazed what things slip in, or how things can change in so little period of time.
The 6 month purge is that you go through your whole house and get rid of stuff that you do not need. This has changed for me recently. I have been reading some blog posts from this blog for the last year or so. In the past I haven't agreed with most of what she said. Her blog was recommended to me, but I never really liked it. Her and my ideas never really meshed, but for some reason I kept checking back every now and again. Lately her idea's have changed and I have been very intrigued by some of her thoughts. They seemed to speak to my soul. Her ideas seem to flow with the thoughts that I have been having and she gave words to what I have been feeling. I am usually good at knowing what I want and what I need and know what I should be doing, that is a gift that I have been given. But I have never been so good at knowing how to achieve the things I want. I guess I am not that creative. I search and study to find something that speaks to me and then I try to make someone else's ideas work in my life. I know, I am a follower and I am ok with that!
Anyway, as some of my perspectives have changed I have realized that I need to simplify my life all together. I need to truly purge things out of my life that are not the best. I won't go into specifics here, because I believe that it is different for everybody, but I will just say, that I have been looking at all aspects of my life from food and health, to books and media, to activities and responsibilities, to my home and what is in it and really trying to decided what is the best for me and my family. I don't do this to try and be better than others, but rather to try and be the best me that I can be. I am not talking about having the best of everything. I am talking about having less, but having what I do have be the best things that will enrich our lives.
I took a class at Education Week at BYU. One of the teachers said something that changed my view of things. He said, "We need to be effective, not just efficient." I guess I want everything in my life to be effective! To have something not just to have it, but because it makes a difference in my life. If it is not making a difference, and I mean a significant difference, then why am I allowing it to crowd my life?
I plan on cleaning out my kitchen soon with this perspective. It will be fun to take each little kitchen utensil into my hand and think about if it is effective. Is it worth taking up precious space in my little kitchen? Do I use it enough? Do I have another tool that I can use just as easily for the same job? It is kind of exciting to think about. What is most exciting is how freeing it feels to let go! It is so nice to not be responsible for so much! I am busy enough without having to have all this STUFF to be responsible for. It really opens up my brain space and makes me feel more happy because I can think about things that really matter in this life! Things are so much easier to handle and get done. I find I have more time to do the things I really want to do! It makes me feel content at least for a moment. Sometimes a moment is all we need to carry us through, right?